Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
