I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
