i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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