I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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