I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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