dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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