i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
