fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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