So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
