Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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