is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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