i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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