I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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