My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
