so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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