OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
