I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
