I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.