I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.