She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay