Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this just has baby written all over it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober