maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.