In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs