now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.