I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!