he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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