The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
