I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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