that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
