I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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