I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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