Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
