Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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