Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
