goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
