Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
