I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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