I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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