I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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