i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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