Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
