She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
