vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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