the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
