that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
