she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
