I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
