i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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