the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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