i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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