Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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