haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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