I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
