Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
