I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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