The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
