His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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