Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize