I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
