Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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