that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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