Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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