Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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