judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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