Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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