True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
