hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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