you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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