I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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