i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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