1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cockslap morals
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
